I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You are the jesus of drinking
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
