i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
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She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
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Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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