I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
