she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
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You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
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i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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