part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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