Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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