I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
