I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. đ
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing âHappy Birthdayâ to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, âWhy didnât you sing along?!?â I responded, âI donât know him. I donât give a shit if he has a happy birthday.â
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