This dress was meant to end up on your floor
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
