i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
should my penis look like a turkey
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
ttyl tear gas
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
