i was born a porn star she said
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
