I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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