Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
