Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
