drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
