her vagine was all disorganized.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
