you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
