you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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