I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
