I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
