CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
