God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
