he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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