I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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