Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
