i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
