She's JV to your varsity
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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