there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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