I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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