take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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