i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
