what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
