Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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