...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
