Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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