I swear she didn't look like that last week.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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