it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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