she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
