His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
