shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
