I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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