I faked an abortion last night.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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