I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I pour the whiskey from now on
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize