I feel like I'm in dance class right now
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
