Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Alive.
So much puke
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
