Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
