There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
