Where are you?
In a non slutty way
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
