so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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