Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
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I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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