I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
