hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
