if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
