Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize