he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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