We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize