great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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