I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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