Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
i out mim tonsoeep
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