i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize