Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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