yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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