shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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