Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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